Little Sally was just entering grade three she was so excited because she was going to be in her favorite teachers class. Sally was great at making great new friends like Jessica but, what Sally did not know was that not everyone is a great friend. two months into school Sally and Jessica were playing on the carpet and a new kid comes onto the class and was introduced as Samantha. So as always Sally went and made friends with her. Next thing you new the three girls were really close they told each other everything.
Winter time came around and Sally invited all her friends to her Birthday Party and everything went great. Except Sally's older sister warned her not to get to close with Sam. As any girl in grade three she did not pay any attention to it and went along with playing with her friends all day long.
When spring time rolled around something started to change in Sam. Jessica started to notice but , Sally was as blind as a bat.that day after school something went down. Sam wanted to beat her up and was about until Jessica came along. Jessica protected her friend. Sally was shocked and helped Jessica take care of her cuts and scrapes. Now today Sally,Jessica, and Sam are all in grade nine and go to the same school and every time Sally looks at Sam she thinks back to that day and remembers how she felt when she found out her good friend Sam was not good at all and that her true friend was Jessica.
this is a true story but, the names have been changed to protct their identites
ReplyDeleteThis is a truly great story. I would say that Sam's negative character trait would be infidelity (or unfaithfulness).
ReplyDeleteAny how, I believe this could use a little editing. I'll try to give you three tips that I think will make this even stronger:
1) Make sure each and every sentence starts with a capital letter.
2) Look for places where you have disguised 2 separate sentences as one. For example, you wrote: "Little Sally was just entering grade three she was so excited because she was going to be in her favorite teachers class." which is 2 seperate ideas and should read: "Little Sally was just entering grade three. She was so excited because she was going to be in her favorite teacher's class." If you don't want to make it 2 seperte sentences then use a connecting word like 'and.'
Finally, keep to the same time frame for the whole story. Consider this sentence: "Sally and Jessica were playing on the carpet and a new kid comes onto the class"
'were playing' means it happened in the past
'comes' means it is happening right now
*ask me in class and I'll try to help you with my 2nd and 3rd recommendations.